sick...

Starbust

2010-07-24T01:09:00.003+03:00

Two cups of coffee
A bus ticket
ملآه مبعثرة
And heads that were filled with dreams of no tomorrow.
I was there,
وكنت أملك درب لبانة آخر
And her heart was starbust.

Conversation Piece #3

2009-09-24T18:11:00.003+02:00

-And you wonder why? It's destined, that's why!
-I do not wonder why.
-Errrm, okay.
-I thought you knew that already.
-Sometimes I say things just because I like how they sound.
-I am.
-You are?
-Yes, you too. We are!
-We are what?
-We just are.
-Like we be?
-No, we are. Present tense is happening.

February

2009-04-08T12:37:00.001+02:00

life through a plastic spoon
we sing in perfect harmony
we sing in agony
life,
too young too soon
we live in misery
we live eternally

Saturn devouring his son

2008-12-25T00:12:00.003+02:00

unconscious disorders lead to distraction, anger, depression and psycho behaviour

2008-10-03T16:14:00.003+02:00

*Saying things that you don't really mean is already bad because you can never make them mean more, but repeating them to almost everyone you know is further worse cuz you're making them mean nothing at all.
It's very strange how happiness and pain have the same source.

*sent on November the 28th 2003

Fire burns all

2007-12-20T20:05:00.000+02:00

the worms are eating me,
from the inside out
consuming every ounce of me
they scream,
they shout...

-and i'm watching my TV-

so wait,
wait untill i bleed
wait untill i flee
wait for the drought

ترنيمة الموت الأخيرة

2007-08-19T04:06:00.000+03:00

شبّاك و قهوة و سياج
و أنامل شاردة
وسط أنفاسي الباردة
ترسم قلبا على الزجاج

و بين القهوة و الشباك
تطفو أفكاري المغمورة
و كلمات حب منثورة
............

***

برواز و لعبة و حذاء
و آمال معلقة
ضمن الصور الممزقة
و كلمات الرثاء

...و أمام البرواز و الصورة

Carvings on Brick Walls

2007-07-04T23:59:00.000+03:00

Day One:
Scratches and bruises all over me.
Day Two:
Starting to get hungry, got nothing to eat.
Day Three:
The pain is unbearable. Surprisingly, my sight became very sharp.
Day Four:
Rats dont taste that bad after all. Who said that my reflxes are slow?
Day Five:
Started a little project of mine. Maybe banging my head against the wall will do me good.
Day Six:
The walls wont scratch easily. Have to grow my nails longer.
Day Seven:
The smell is unbearable, but i love the moonlight.
Day eight:
Even my wrist, i couldnt cut.
Day Nine:
Started eating my wrist. Tastes better than rats anyway.
Day Ten:
Finally i can get some sleep.

2007-04-01T13:50:00.000+02:00

إذا ذهبت بعيدا
ماذا ستأخذ معك

ذكريات الطفولة
...و مرحها
و الحرية المكفولة ؟

و إذا رحلت بعيدا
ماذا سيتبقى منك

ذكرى أول عراك لاثبات الرجولة؟
كنا نسرق من العمر لحظة
...و نبقى لحظة
من عبق الأيام الأولى

...نسائم الحرمان
حقيبة لمغادرة الوطن
وأخرى صغيرة من أجل النسيان

فاذا رحلت بعيدا, فضلا
...لا تأخذنى معك

El-So7bageyya

2007-03-08T19:16:00.000+02:00

Hey all,

We'd like to invite you to El-So7bageyya's concert which will be held at El-Sawy Culture Wheel on Tuesday 13-March, Starting at 8:00 pm.

Playing originals, combining arabic lyrics with a variety of musical influences.

Thanks for your concern and we will be honoured to have you there.

For Further info please contact us:

E-mail: El-So7bageyya@hotmail.com
or visit www.culturewheel.com

???

2007-02-26T00:35:00.000+02:00

with my heart beats getting faster and my left hand shaking, i asked him
"Do you think we'll go to heaven when we die?"

chitchatting*

2007-02-15T04:36:00.000+02:00

sting's voice smoothly steps in:

One day you'll meet a stranger
And all the noise is silenced in the room
You'll feel that you're close to some mystery
In the moonlight and everything shatters
You feel as if you've known her all your life
The world's oldest lesson in history

-hey...dont let 'it' depress you
let 'it' take you up there... in that other perfect world where we dnt live
-yeah u're right
dnt fight 'it', let it flow then conquer
eventually 'it' will get bored and leave
-that's a good way of dealing with 'it'
seriously...
let 'it' have its moment (ssss) then leave in peace
-yeap
and enjoy those moments
a nice song will do
a cigarette maybe
-but u're not doing that, u'r rushing 'it' to leave
-me?
who said so?
-u'r not lingering there cuz u want to..... u'r pissed that 'it' is still there
-now um not
um totally falling in, yet, not drowning
-that's what i do best,
float
i dont swim, i dont drown, i just float.
is that considered passive...cause i dont swim.. i just go with the flow ?
or not so passive cause at least i dont give in to drowning ?
-it's too passive to get u out of anything, still not that passive cuz u're 'avoiding' drowning

maat and sede3', u can guess who is who

Tags, tags, tags

2007-02-09T02:16:00.000+02:00

howa ana lazem akteb bel3araby???

ايه اللي حيحصل لايميلك لما تموت

makontesh fakart, bas edeet el pass keda le7ad mmken yeb2a yeb3at lelnas ye2olohom enny mot. law eftakar el pass ya3ny

!اديت الباس وورد لحد قبل كده؟

yeappy, ana ma3andeesh 7aga a7'abeeha 3ala elsha3b

اسمك؟

mesel7y

اسم الدلع المشهور في وسط اصحابك؟

keteer, we ma7adesh menhom yesharraf, 7'ales

عمرك؟

23, almost

برجك؟

taurus

مجالك او مجال دراستك?

civil engineering, lel2asaf

شخصيتك نوعها ايه؟

tany??

mashy, sede3', tenek, airhead...wtf?? read the "10 reasons to hate me" post

!السفر بالنسبة لك؟

bedayet sana gedeeda

المود بتاعك؟

7aleyan?? me2aryef a7'er 7aga

3omoman, zay elmerabba..bas men 12 beleel wenta tale3, abel fe ka2aba

وقت فراغك بتعمل فيه اية؟

mesh la2eeh aslan. aw ana ba2eet 3aysh fe wa2t fara3' kebeeeeeeeeer

الاكلة المفضلة؟

mafeesh 7'ales. pretty moody

bas ba7eb elakl elly shaklo 7elw

الصفات اللي خدتها من ماما؟

7ases enny fe barnameg atfal...

well, keteeeeeer.

الصفات اللي خدتها من بابا؟

keteer bardo, giddan.

اكتر 6 حاجات بتكرهها؟

el3'aba2

elfodool

elly beytalla3 soot we howa beyakol

elfaty

whining

kefaya dool

اكتر 6 حاجات بتحبها؟

god, i've been thinking bout anything

we mesh la2y 7aga.

i like many many many things, but i dnt "love" something specific

الشغل بالنسبة لك؟

eshta ya3ny, 3ady

ايه الكومبيوتر والانترنت بالنسبة لك؟

nos elyoom ta2reeban

***

the other tag:

the five things u dunno bout me

well, u dunno nothing bout me

but for those who d,o i'll try to figure out 5 things

heyya aslaha betotlob besara7a sa3at

3asaby giddan, bas ba3raf arakeb face hodoo2
i love my ma "too" much
very indifferent
mesh ba3raf 2a2ool gomal este7san, aw shokr, aw ay 7aga men betoo3 elmonasabat "afra7, 3aza, a3yad".. ie. mesh ba3raf 2a2ool le 7ad en elly enta 3amlo da kewayes, we lamma yet2ally 3ala 7aga enaha 7elwa mesh ba3raf arod
kan nefsy ab2a felso7bageyya men awel masme3t ela3'any
wa7da tanya 3ashan wala2, ana mesh bakteb kol elposts wana mokta2eb we mesh bakteb 3an how life sux, that's only how i write :D

بيتهوفن

2007-01-27T17:44:00.000+02:00

صَمَم إلى يأس إلى انتحار

و جنون القهقهات

و عذاب الاختيار

***

فشل إلى نجاح إلى انكسار

و فى لحظة الموت

تلتمس راحة الفرار

***

صَمْت

و إذا تكلموا

صُمْت

***

و وسط هذا الهدير

...تقف

و هلاوس مريضة, بداخلك

تنسج خيوط المكيدة

و وسط هذا الهدير

تكسر قضبان السجون

لتخرج طاقات فن

أصابها مَسُُ...من جنون

Back from the dead/the new year/tagged and other crap

2007-01-07T09:35:00.000+02:00

Um back to my sweet blog again.
I've decided earlier that i'll take a break till the 24th of January, but just like any other decision i've decided lately..I didnt stick to it...
I've been checking some blogs but i didnt comment on any, out of being in the "lazy/not in the mood" phase.
But now um back, got my engines on and all

Didnt get the chance to tell y'all Happy Eid and Happy New Year so here i am saying it...
Actually it's been a lousy year, and um not regretting that it ended.
My mood was down like hell most of the time, and i had the strongest depressions since years...
Some small happy events i remember like the concert day, aqua park, mounir's new year's concert and...and that's it..
The only two good things were getting closer to my family, and discovering that i have the best friends ever -i really do-. They were just utterly and completely there. My handasa friends, the guys from elbashawat, even those i knew only this year through blogging or watever. I just wanna thank u guys -too weird that my so-called close friends didnt care that much-

bout kelma's tag, fana kont mmken ara7'em we 2asammeg 3aleek we arza3lak kam kanoon steel we ala7'as bas 2ollt balash..we bema enny mesh ba2rah fe 7aga mo3ayana now fa 2olt akteblak men a7'er 7aga kont ba2raha

مستهزئا من هذه الحواجز المصطنعة
من هذه الممالك المخترعة
من هذه الملابس الضيقة, المضحكة

من المختار من شعر سعاد الصباح

we ne7eb nelabes meen fel7eet??? mashy,
frozen love, the "two pairs of eyes" gals, numb OR any other brat who'd like to brag and show us wat he's reading
eih da?? i didnt say wat the tag was: write down the three lines after the first five lines on page 123 from any book u're reading now

في مثل هذا الشتاء

2006-12-19T03:42:00.000+02:00

في مثل هذا الشتاء
جلست وحيدا
,متدثرا بعباءة الذكريات
...بعيدا
دفء مشاعر غير موجودة
يخفف من برد الشتاء

حلمت بغرفة صغيرة
و شبابيك مرتفعة
,تطل على نجوم لامعة
...منيرة
أنظر إليها متأملا
بين همس و رجاء

و عندما يأتى الفناء
سأحظى بغرفتى الصغيرة
,و لكنى أبدا
لن أحظى بنجوم الشتاء

16/12/2006

You wanted some crap, here you go

2006-12-04T18:39:00.000+02:00

WARNING:
what's coming is irrelevant crap...and it's too long too
DO NOT READ

can't stand all this pain
the human body just collapses, but why aint i??
rush of words, rush of blood, all going through my veins and under my skin
filthy thoughts, bad blood...useless
BLACKENED!!
from all the surroundings
all the nonsense, all the fake smiles and lying eyes
hypocrite looks
PSYCHIC!!
knowing their smiles
digging their corpse
i am the hate inside you, i am the evil
i am dead
sticking to the words?
who am i?
i am what i write?
i am what i am, and what you say is lies
what i say is you
i am what you are
surviving is not the aim, never been, never will
fuck what you say...you eat your crap, your own words, not mine
you can say what you say but i am not to believe
you own your thoughts, but not mine
pitty your own ego, your own lies you believe
i am seeing through you...deep down in you
i am not you, but still i know
i am not seeing, but still i know
not feeling...i am YOU
PSYCHIC!!
i can only see, because understanding is a gift
knowing is a bliss, to know you??
understanding is my curse
knowing you is hating you
the hate in me is up to the sky, the hate in you too
only your ego refuses it
only YOU dont know, dont feel, still you have the ego to say you do
you are giving the nice smile, the innocent look...you are hiding the beast inside
no i am not angry, but let me introduce you
slap me, hate me, kill me
BLACKENED!!
nice to know you
and the air is hard to breathe...
the human body just collapses, but why am i?
salvation??
PSYCHIC!!
my salvation...
BLACKENED!!
nice to know you, but goodbye

10 reasons why you should hate me

2006-12-01T05:27:00.000+02:00

01-not funny, shallow and dull
02-stupid like a pigeon
03-tenek ela aksa daraga
04-sede3' tab3an
05-an airhead
06-i can kick ur ass like no1 else ever did
07-masla7gy ela ab3ad el7odood
08-selfish
09-suicidal
10-ugly like a duckling, or is that cute??

إلى ذات الشعر الأبيض

2006-11-15T15:41:00.000+02:00

...كانت تجلس كعادتها في ذات المكان
,أمام هذا الباب
...جلست وحيدة تنتظر في صبر
,على نفس هذا المقعد
...كانت تقرأ –كعادتها- كتابها المحبب
,كل يوم في مثل هذا الوقت
كانت تسمع أغاني تذكرها بأيام قد انقضت, ولم تخلّف ورائها
...إلا الذكريات
,بعضها أليم
...والبعض الآخر يفر من بين يديها في سرعة
وما أصعب الفرار
...تريد أن تلقي ما بصدرها من هموم
...تريد أن تزيح عن كاهلها تلك الأثقال التي طالما جعلتها ساكنة, تنتظر
تريد أن تفر إلى عالم بعيد عن هذا الذي تعيش فيه
...عالم من قلق, وتوتر, وانتظار
كنت أرى على ساعديها تلك الجروح, إثر محاولات فرارها
كنت أرى -بعينين غير مصدقتين- شفتاها تتحركان
لتسكب كلمات في أذنىّ من ليس هناك
,كنت أرى -إذ أمر بجوارها- حقيبتها الصغيرة ملقاة في إهمال إلى جانبها
يبرز منها ما يبدو كأداواتها
هذا الكتاب الصغير, بعض أوراق العملة
...وسكّين
...هو وسيلة الفرار الوحيدة التي تملكها
عالم عادل صغير, هو كل ما تحلم به
عالم لا تعرف له سبيلا آخر إلا... من خلال سكّين

Peace Within

2006-11-08T02:26:00.000+02:00

anger rage within
rememberin every sin
tryin to b free...
wat did he see?

slamming every door
breakin through the walls...
wat did he see?
there by the sea

and still all the people are so far away
and still every thing changes
nothing will ever stay
and um sittin there reminiscing every day

crossin every line
nothin was ever fine
was it really me?
who was there by the sea..

killin every need
waitin untill i bleed
tryin to break free
will it ever be

and still the truth of fear is so far away
and still every thing changes
but the pain will always stay
and u and me -my friend- are now in separate ways

and now that the truth is near
nothin's still clear

Cut Up Techinque

2006-11-01T13:52:00.000+02:00

um closing my eyes
but i can see through
um sweeping all the lies
keeping all that is true

dreams of devils
dreams of sin
dreams of lust

always having you
at the back of my mind
always seeing you
but was i that blind?

while anger was the cave
hatred was the sun,
that shone through

cuz having you, my friend
was far too much
and keeping u till the end
was something i wouldnt dare touch

and as the seeds grow hate
and as the the clowns of pain drown to their fate
and as the sky disintegrate

and although u're gone now
i still wish i had thou
and although u're gone now
i still try not to show
that all that i bleed is only for you

should i be crucified?

re-revistied من جديد

2006-10-25T14:43:00.000+02:00

أراكى
و فى جسدى تسرى الرجفة
انظر اليكى فى نفس الوقفة
و أتوه بين الوديان

تتزاحم الكلمات فى عقلى
تتصارع للخروج
تحتجز وراء شفتان منطبقتان
ليكون مصيرها النسيان

ترحلين
و تخرج الكلمات غير مسموعة
"تذهبين"
و تنطلق الكلمات الممنوعة
ليكون مصيرها النسيان

killing machine

2006-10-18T02:31:00.000+02:00

And u're only awakened by the sight of blood flowing through your hands...

It's not that i hate him, its that i despise him, although i've first
known him as a friend.
"careful with that axe B, u hear them say"
I've always did my best to make him happy...actually not him.
"and his head is -chopped off- lying on the ground"
I always gave him that fake smile, and the innocent look.
"as my paces grew faster and quicker"
He never deserved what he had in the first place.
"raising it high above my head"
He never respected what he has got.
"yelling till my throat bleeds"
He took his first chance to backstab me.
"swinging my hand as hard as i can"
Yes i am to blame, but i hate his guts H.
"all this hatred within my chest"

And I am only awakened by blood washing my hate away...

killing machine -prelude-

2006-10-17T03:06:00.000+02:00

so at last u're gonna kill the one u most hated!!!
how will u kill him, wat will u use???
will u make it quick or slow???

Living on The Other Side of A Mirror

2006-10-13T05:06:00.000+02:00

how good it can be????
being just a watcher,
an emotionless reflecting plan???

"sehceeps ytterp ekam uoy elihw"

lifeless, harmless, cold
standing there, waiting for nothing

"sderhs ot tuc gnieb ma i"

what did i expect if um already not seen?
when you look at me, you see you

"pag lanoitome na saw ti, sey"

helpless, is my only choice
sightless, is what i can never be

"wonk ot uoy tnaw tsuj i, ecivda rof gniksa ton ma i"

what can i do if i have no other option but seeing you?
what good can i be if um motionless?

"em gnillif si ti, esipsed eht"

a perfect image while standing
a distorted one when i rage

"kaerb i enola"

a shiny surface on the outside
a dark dirty dull core

"sehceeps ytterp ekam uoy elihw"

if i break into pieces, um uselss
if i break into pieces, i'll grab one and slit my wrist

"sderhs ot tuc gnieb ma i"

if only scars weren't too hard to hide

*The lunatic is on the grass

2006-10-09T23:34:00.000+02:00

**"i used to love her
dee dum da la la
but i had to kill her
da da da daaaaaa"

holding my shotgun,
laughing my ass out
with this little pond of blood flowing between my feet...

*Pink Floyd "brain damage"
**Guns n'Roses "i used to love her"

In Denial

2006-10-07T05:08:00.000+02:00

for all the sleepless nights that i didnt have
for all the moments we didnt share
for the crap i've always said
and the crap u didnt say
for all the love songs that i didnt sing
and all the sad songs that i didnt hear
for the perfectness that u didnt think is perfect
for all the gratefulness that i didnt feel
for anything we tried to avoid
or anything we tried to hold dear
for all the roses that i didnt buy
and the sweetness that didnt fill the air
for the bitterness that didnt kill me
and the hatred that didnt fill me

for you, that i didnt yet meet
i shall thank you...

Super Powers

2006-10-01T18:27:00.000+02:00

i think i've asked this question before, but i'd like to hear the answers again...

*if u had a super power, what would it be???
*what is your favourite hero of all time???

by just one thought um struck

2006-09-28T01:36:00.000+02:00

nothing's better than complete harmony that ends with love
and nothing's better than true love that ends with a hug
nothing's better than a hug that turns to a slow dance
and nothing's better than a dance that ends with giggles,
giggles that ends with a good sleep
a sleep that's lengthened by death...

The Fly, The Donkey and The Jaguar "a tribute to insanity"

2006-09-24T02:12:00.000+02:00

flying around,
not so high where the storms are strong,
still not too low to touch the ground
hanging around everyone
never knowing what tomorrow will bring..
only freedom makes u happy
suddenly that hand crushes u down to the ground.

always walking ahead,
no turns, no choices
the weights are weighing u down
but still the desire to live lifts u up
but who said that only the desire works???
u're slapped on the face and humiliated
u're down to the ground

running fast,
cunning moves
striking back
sowing the seeds of fear in every heart
but the hyenas are everywhere
and stabbing in the back is so easy
then my friend, u're down to the ground

Our Concert

2006-09-15T04:44:00.000+03:00

ookay guys, so you're all invited for our concert...
how shall i begin?? **i was never good at writing ADs**
okay, so we play our own originals with arabic lyrics and different musical influences as the flyer says..and i think that's all :D **told ya i aint good**
it'll b held at Al-Azhar Park "Al-Gnaina theatre" on the 21st of September which'll b next thursday -awel 7'amees feldaerasa we tany yoom hayeb2a gom3a y3ny ma7adesh leeh 7egga-..and yeah, it'll start at 8:30 isA...
so be there, and we'll b honoured to see y'all...
and that's it **told ya i aint good 7'ales**
Damn, ezzay neseet...e7na esmena El-So7bageyya, tasyeet ba2a ya regalaaaa
wa domtom

My Salvation

2006-09-09T16:03:00.000+03:00

finally, the mood swings are fading out...
um pretty much satisfied about myself, and feeling happy
i had my salvation,
it was always there but i was too blind to see it
it's AQUA PARK :D
GOD, i had the most amazing day since...i dunno since wen
fights/giggles/water
i was brain washed...
Thank You God

*wait for "My Salvation II" in Dream Park

Schizoid

2006-09-01T17:26:00.001+03:00

Art thou not angel,
for being untrue to me so long
Art thou not brother,
for deceiving me so long
Art thou not human man,
for hurting me so long

Goodbye revisited/a reply to hurricane_x 's post

2006-08-29T00:19:00.000+03:00

again, so slitting my wrist aint that bad

Goodbye, cruel world,
I'm leaving you today.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye all you people,
There's nothing you can say,
To make me change my mind.
Goodbye.

hurricane's and batabeet tags

2006-08-27T05:18:00.000+03:00

first bas, a7eb a2ool 7aga
saba7 elfol ya regala we ya banat...
ella ma7adesh ya3raf seket sponsor???
and um talkin serious...if ny1 knows a contact plz help
we're looking for a sponsor for a small concert
any1 who has any idea plz contact me, and i'll be delighted to tell'im bout the benefit package...
thnx all

second ba2a, i've been tagged wana ma3rafsh
lamo2a7'za ya 3amona 3al ta27'eer
7'od 3andak ba2a

هل أنت راض عن مدونتك شكلاً وموضوعاً؟
nope, never did...yemken marra

هل تعلم أسرتك الصغيرة بأمر مدونتك؟
yeap...but still no1 reads wat i write...except for my brother, who got me all into this...i mean the writing thingy
i've never had the chance to say it, loadsa thnx my man...

هل تجد حرجاً فى أن تُخبر صديقاً عن مدونتك؟ هل تعتبرها أمرا خاصا بك؟
not all of'em...

هل تسببت المدونات بتغيير إيجابى لأفكارك؟ اعطنى مثال فى حالة الاجابة نعم
only cuz i knew that there're really gr8 guys out there...f*** wat they say on tv bout the youth of the nation...
the seventies was a total **** up compared to this
if they're talkin bout the guys on the streets, look at a seventies movie with all the drinkin and hippie dancing

هل تكتفى بفتح صفحات من يعقبون بردود فى مدونتك أم تسعى لاكتشاف المزيد؟
sometimes i do, but i always get all depressed so i quit then again i do

ماذا يعنى لك عداد الزوار.. هل تهتم بوضعه فى مدونتك؟
mesh 3aref ana 7atto walla la2a...wALLAHi ma3raf...bas akeed yehemeny

هل حاولت تخيل شكل اصدقائك المدونين؟ اعترف
a3taref???el3ab...
yeah i did...and i dunno if um right or wrong bas i guess um not

هل ترى فائدة حقيقية للتدوين؟
yeah...akeed...ana shayef aslan en el chatting mofeed

هل تشعر أن مجتمع المدونين مجتمع منفصل عن العالم المحيط بك أم متفاعل مع احداثه؟
howa mesh monfasel...el3alam howa elly monfasel 3an mogtama3 eltadween

هل يزعجك وجود نقد بمدونتك ؟ أم تشعر انه ظاهرة صحية؟
nope...bas wennaby balash takseer elmagadeef elly men 3'eer ay seteen lazma

هل تخاف من بعض المدونات السياسية وتتحاشاها؟ هل صدمك اعتقال بعض المدونين؟
nope...and bout ele3tekal, batalt atsedem

هل فكرت فى مصير مدونتك حال وفاتك؟
nope, never did...bas think i'll give the password to H if i wanna do sth bout that

آخر سؤال : تحب تسمع أغنية إيه- بلاش صيغة آمال فهمى دى - ما الاغنية التى تحب وضع اللينك الخاص بها فى مدونتك؟
better off dead

i dnt know who to tag...
think um the only one who didnt answer this thing
anywayz, if u didnt and u're interested...be my guest

Batabeet's:

elmasal el 3araby explicit 7abba
we mayenfa3sh 2a2oolo, lamo2a7'za
mmken ta7'dy da " god deliver me from my enemies, for from my friends i'll deliver myself"

a3mel tag lemeeeeeeeeen???
sama3eena sootek ya maat
we tany enta ya kelma 3shan shaklak 3amel 3abeet

Thank God

2006-08-23T00:45:00.000+03:00

so it's the 23rd of august now and i've been spending the worst vacation ever...
all these issues, elnateega, ahly, the band and the other band...
i thought i grew stronger but i've just found out that um weaker than i've ever thought.
too weak that um sick to my stomach.
um disgusting and despising everything i've ever was and wanted to be...
but after all,
i feel thankful...

for the suffering
for the pain i feel everyday
for every wound
for every tear i kept in the inside and every tear that escaped that two way shield

thnx for everything

ذكريات

2006-08-11T21:08:00.000+03:00

...غارقا فى دخان سجائره و أكواب القهوة جلس يكتب
،يكتب -فى أوراقه- عنها
عن معاناته
آلامه
،ذكرياته
و كل عذاباته السابقة
أوراقه هى ما تبقى من كل ذلك
...جلس يكتب عن قلبه الضعيف، يكتب عن مرضه
توقف لحظة، و سحب نفس آخر من دخان السيجارة
قلبه لا يحتمل هذا الإجهاد لكنّه مستمتع بكل رشفة قهوة، و دخان السيجارة
،تذكّر كيف كانت حياته معها
كيف تركها تفلت من بين يديه كنسمة هواء رقيقة
أصبحت سجائره و قهوته أصدقائه
سحب نفس آخر، و تنهد فى عمق
"كم كانت رائعة تلك الأيام"
قالها و تنهداته تذيب الموجودات من حوله
نظر الى كوب القهوة، ألقى بالسيجارة فى عنف
"هى التى أختارت"
قالها ليبرر لنفسه ما لم يطالبه أحد بتبريره
"أحقا أكرهها؟"
حطم أكواب القهوة
مزّق جميع أوراقه
أخذ يحطّم -و زجاج الأكواب يدميه- كل ما يقع تحت يديه
و عندما وجدوه فى اليوم التالى جالسا محنى الرأس -وسط الحطام- فى هدوء
...لم يفهم أحد الحقيقة
هو وحده كان يعلم
يعلم أن قلبه -بالرّغم من ضعفه- أعلن عصيانه

عبور

2006-08-09T03:21:00.000+03:00

...كنت أعبر الطريق عندما رأيتها
تلك الثياب السوداء
و هذه السحابة البيضاء تغطّى عينيها
و نظراتها الحائرة و هى تنظر باتجاه السماء
كانت تجلس على الحشائش مستكينة, راضية بحالها و كأنها تملك الكون كلّه
مررت بجانبها و لمحت كسرة خبز ملقاة الى جوارها
"ناولتها ايّاها "اتفضلى يا حاجة
تلك الطريقة التى لمست بها يدى, و ظلت ممسكة بها, و هذه النظرة الصادقة -التى تغلبت على ظلام السحابة- فى عينيها
ربنا يخليك و ينورلك طريقك و يوفقك يابنى" قالتها بصوت انهكته الدنيا, و لكنه ملىء بحنان لا ينضب

كنت أعبر الطريق عندما رأيتها, و لكنى -اذ أكمل طريقى- أرى الموجودات تهتز أمامى

Again

2006-08-08T23:18:00.000+03:00

REVOLT
http://orientaleve.blogspot.com/

wadeena 2a3deen

2006-08-06T20:21:00.000+03:00

REVOLT

SMS

2006-08-04T18:01:00.000+03:00

"And u feel the heat evolving, melting the cells of ur brain...unleashing the anger imprisoned for decades inside, burning ur memories and leaving a dead man behind"

yes i feel ur words my friend,
it's the constant abuse...
it's wen ur energy is abused, misused and burnt out without even a 'thank you'...
it's wen u discover that the closest ones to you, the ones u've respected the most disrespect u the most...
it's wen all those conspiracy theories are sewn against u making a bullit-proof armour of hatred...
it's wen u're being killed everyday and all u do in return is give some extra care..
call me paranoid,
call me schizoid,
but that wont change how i feel, cuz this rage kept within hurts no one but me..
and i know if i let it out it'll hurt destroy everything i've ever loved and cared for...
all i have to do is lock it in the inside to burn no one but myslef

A misused bless is an eternal damnation

Blinks

2006-07-20T02:57:00.000+03:00

Sometimes being an angel is too devilish that u just cant take it.

I am the anger in the cave
I am the evil in the lamb
I am the devil inside the child's heart

The only lasting love is a dead one.

Complications of the inner soul leads to distraction, anger, depression, and psycho behaviour disorder.

Me talking crap to the other Me

2006-07-17T14:24:00.000+03:00

scream at me again if u like
throw ur hate at me with all ur might
hit me cuz um strange, hit me
u tell me uma p***y and u're harder than me
wat's with u boy, think hard
a tattooed body to hide who u r
scared to b honest, b urself
a cowardly man

um just a f***ing mental
um just too f***ing little

korn-clown

Distracted

2006-07-13T20:07:00.000+03:00

Clearing my mind from every thought
From every wish that i've wished
From every person
Clearing my mind is the way...
Clearing my mind from every need
from every lust that i've wanted
Clearing my mind from the day...
Will i have peace?
Will you take me safely through the storm?
Will you guide me through my insanity?
Mind...
Hell of a mind
Conscious?
What pain

Come away with me

2006-07-11T14:33:00.000+03:00

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

Norah Jones - Come Away With Me

Back in 2004

2006-07-07T14:21:00.000+03:00

um closing my eyes
but cant stop looking at you
um sweeping all the lies
keeping all that is true
always having u in the back of my mind
always seeing u, but somehow i was blind
cuz having u as afriend was far too much
and keeping u till the end
was something i would not dare to touch
and although u're mine now
i still wish i had thou
and although u're mine now
i still want u to know
that all that i bleed
is only for YOU!!

FUCKING LIAR

good old friends

2006-07-05T21:52:00.000+03:00

sweet old sorrow and grief...
welcome back

found in an old paper back in 2004

2006-07-03T03:41:00.000+03:00

the consequences of being psychopathed and disordered is tremendously dangerous for blood hound people if you know what i mean...
cuz the seeds of hate are rising high to that blue sky turning to grey...
and if i wake up would it be morning again???
cuz the sun is red but there aint no light
and all this killing and blood spilling is filling me up
and if i stop hating would i quit to be me???
and the normality that hadnt been there for ages would return to the so called me???
but its better being hated than being messed upon, and its better being an idiot than being with brains...
and now if i throw up, u'll see the real me
and if i spill my guts, i'll b lying to u
and if u try to kill me, i'll b standing here bleeding infront of u
and hating is a good way to express how u feel
but death aint the cure for this
um going crazy but um smiling, looking at tomorrow, happy with wat i've got...
but what can a man do if he was tied up, fucked up, and drawn to the world???

Depression test

2006-07-01T10:42:00.000+03:00

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Moderate
Dysthymia:	Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Slight-Moderate
Cyclothymia:	Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Very Slight
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

Bang Bang

2006-06-26T17:38:00.000+03:00

DELTE THIS FUCKED UP MEMORY OF MINE

la2 bgad, say3a

2006-06-26T16:25:00.000+03:00

zay ay saye3 mo7taref, ramet elbo2een elly 3ayza te2olhom we katet.
we sabetny ana ba2a fate7 bo22y we mesh mesada2 enny mesh 3aref arod delwa2ty.
ahaneeky...

Digging deep "i dont need no sympathy of urs"

2006-06-25T15:32:00.000+03:00

have u ever noticed that EVIL is LIVE in backwards??
a simple truth tht i've discovered this morning, and it really freaked me out...
so is it true that u should b evil to survive?
cuz if its true then thank GOD cuz there's plenty on the inside..
but um i really that evil?
um i evil in the first place? or um i still this little innocent kid?
or is it the wicked him inside of me raging against the innocent one?
mayb it aint this nor that..and its only me pretending...
mayb this psycho boy is a mask that i wear everynight just to b unique..to be different
DAMMIT...all of this brainstorming is in vain?all the papers filled with bullshit r just fake?
am i going crazy?
is it that bad to b insane?
isnt insanity a salvation from all of this?
a really bitter sweet salvation...a sarcastic one?
like fate is telling u 'u needed a salvation? then here goes urs'...
still cant figure out who's the real me...
22 years and still dunnno myself...
since i was 17 and i've been ruining every sweet memory and every innocent moment by this nonsense...
could it b fake in the end?

21/1/2006

بلا رجعة

2006-06-23T06:03:00.000+03:00

...و اذ أجلس جوار جسدها المسجى
أسكب فى أذنيها كل كلام الحب الذى لم أستطع قوله من قبل
أهمس لها بشوقى الدفين
...أهمس لها بكل عذاباتى السابقة
أحكى لها كم بكيت هذا اليوم الذى ظللت صامتا فيه
كم بقيت ألوم نفسى على حماقتى و ترددى
...و اذ أجلس جوار جسدها المسجى
أنتظر ردا لن يأتى ابدا
تسقط دمعتان من عينى و أنا أودعها
لتذهب, بلا رجعة

Evil, the devil within me

2006-06-21T20:18:00.000+03:00

In you, i'll conquer
In you, i'll spread
In you, i'll murmur
In you, i'll devastate
You are where i was born...

In you, i'll carve
In you, i'll corrupt
In you, i'll whisper
In you, i'll hurt
You are where i grew...

In you, i'll crack
In you, i'll writhe
In you, i'll scream
In you, i'll rot
You are my coffin...

In you, i'll die
By you i was beaten

7abbet tests keda...a3taked enaha wes3et menny 7abba..ALLAH yesam7ek ya walaa

2006-06-19T23:33:00.000+03:00

You're 32% evil
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

بلا سبب

2006-06-18T01:46:00.000+03:00

.لشد ما يفزعنى البكاء بدون سبب. أعطنى سببا قويا للبكاء, هذا ما أفهمه

لكن أن أغلق تلك الرواية لأحدق فى الفراغ, و تبدأ تلك الدموع فى الانهمار دون أدنى

... سيطرة فهذا ما لا أفهمه

بل و أخشاه كالموت ذاته

Questionnaire

2006-06-17T15:10:00.000+03:00

me/maat/still breathing

ابتسامة

2006-06-17T09:52:00.000+03:00

...كننا نقف فى أقصى ركن للقاعة نتبادل الكلمات

...كنت أرى الناس مبتسمة فرحة, والمناضد تعلوها تلك المفارش

...و لكن هذا الشعور بالظمأ يقتلنى

... أرى فى صدر القاعة هذان الكرسيان المذهبان, انهما لى أنا و أنت

...أراها -فى فستانها الأبيض- تتأبط ذراعى

...أبتسم لها

...فتضحك لى ضحكتها المشرقة التى جعلتنى أذوب فى هواها

...و لكن دائما هذا هذا الشعور بالظمأ يقتلنى

فجأة...لم أشعر بما حولى

,رأيت الناس تركض فى كل صوب

...و شعرت بالأرض تميد تحت قدماى

...و اذ أرقد على الأرض شاخص العينان, أشعر بها تسند رأسى على ذراعيها

...و شعرت بدموعها تسقط على وجنتاى, و تتسرب الى فمى

...لتروى ظمأى

so nice

2006-06-17T04:20:00.000+03:00

wouldn't it b soo cool to return as a ghost after death
and kick u all out U FREAKS

NB : mesh asdy 7ad men elblog...di thought

Timeline "when idiots try to make a movie"

2006-06-16T06:12:00.000+03:00

so ady sa3teen men 7ayaty da3o haba2an
begad dool sa3teen 3omry maha3raf astarge3hom
wat the hell was that movie???
2 hours of bullshit
eltamseel zebala, welkessa ya3ny estohleket we el7abka elderameyya matboo7'a
la2 welly zad we 3'atta gaybeen momasel el accent beta3to scottish we wa7ed tany sooto mesh laye2 ma3a shaklo
sa7ee7 a7'er 5 mins ash3aroony bas ha we ba3deen
elestefada elwa7eeda enno fadaly 698 mega we da shee2 3azeem
ahoh sably makan 7abba 3shan elhard 7'alas hayenfager ba3d el moviez elly nazeltaha elesboo3 da "city of god, old boy, 12 monkeys, wicker park, pirates of the caribbean, edward scissor hands, and seven"
yanhar abyad...dool sab3a!!
ya3eeny hatla2y elly ma3aya fel3emara mesh shayfeen net
ana da7'el anam ba2a
tesba7o 3ala 7'eer...we ed3ooly da vinci code ye7'las

بلا فائدة

2006-06-15T01:46:00.000+03:00

كلما حاولت أتضح لى أنه بلا فائدة

"يذكرنى الأمر ب" سيزيف

مهما بذلت من مجهود لدفع هذه الصخرة الى أعلى الجبل, ينتهى بى الأمر بمشاهدتها تدحرج الى الأرض ثانية

لم الاستمرار؟؟؟

و لماذا أحاول من البداية؟؟؟

ما النفع الذى سيعود على؟؟؟

هى تريد الرحيل

...هى أختارته

...أعتقد اننى يجب أن أفسح لها الطريق

تلك التجاعيد

2006-06-09T16:13:00.000+03:00

...كنت دوما أرمق أسفل المنضدة

كنت أنظر - و أنا بعد فى السادسة - الى تلك الزخارف المحفورة فى أرجلها الضخمة آنذاك

...كان الفضول يقتلنى لأرى ما عليها من أشياء هى حتما جميلة

كنت أحاول التعلق بالكراسى حولها, و عندما أفشل, أغرس أناملى الصغيرة فى تلك الزخارف و أحاول تسلقها

...كنت دائم التطلع الى الجلوس وسط الكبار و مشاركتهم الطعام

و مرت السنون و أنضممت الى مجالسهم, لكن, مالى لا أرى السطح لامعا مثلما كان بالأمس؟؟؟

متى ظهرت تلك الأخاديد التى شقت طريقها وسط السطح؟

...انى -اذ أقترب- أرى تفاصيلها القبيحة كاملة

أرى تلك الشبكة المعقدة التى تكونها

أرى هذا الوجه بين تفاصيلها

...أرى وجهى بين هذه الشقوق

!و أى وجه أرى

...ليتنى بقيت أتحسس طريقى وسط الزخارف

أحيانا

2006-06-08T02:47:00.000+03:00

...أحيانا تكون الملابس أكثر حظا من أصحابها

من جديد

2006-06-07T16:36:00.000+03:00

.........لا أعرف لماذا عادت الى -اليوم- تلك الكلمات لتطرق على أبواب أفكارى

...أراكى
و فى جسدى تسرى الرجفة
انظر اليكى فى نفس الوقفة
...و أتوه بين الوديان

تتزاحم الكلمات فى عقلى
تتصارع للخروج
...تحتجز وراء شفتان منطبقتان
ليكون مصيرها النسيان

ترحلين
...و تخرج الكلمات غير مسموعة

"تذهبين"

...و تنطلق الكلمات الممنوعة
...ليكون مصيرها النسيان

suicidal

2006-06-05T15:18:00.000+03:00

anger rage within
rememberin every sin
tryin to b free...
wat did he see?

slamming every door
breakin through the walls...
wat did he see?t
here by the sea

and still all the people are so far away
and still every thing changes
nothing will ever stay
and um sittin there reminiscing every day

crossin every line
nothin was ever fine
was it really me?
who was there by the sea..

killin every need
waitin untill i bleed
tryin to break free
will it ever be

and still the truth of fear is so far away
and still every thing changes
but the pain will always stay
and u and me -my friend- are now in separate ways

and now that the truth is near
nothin's still clear

6:26 am

2006-06-05T06:22:00.000+03:00

still have nothing important to do except hearing "CAMEL"
these guys rule...

tryin to impress this or that

y do i do it in the first place??

if they wont know the real me then its useless

so i have nothing to do now, so i guess um gonna chitchat with me for a while then go sleep
what the hell am i getting at????

...

2006-06-04T03:07:00.000+03:00

lessa 2a3ed bardo 3ala el computer nafs ela3da beta3et elsanateen elly fato...
mesha3'al norah jones...we fate7 elshebak 3shan yegebly nesma so7'na we ba3deen yel7a2ny be nesma sa23a te2ash3arny...
bas elmarra di ana mesh bafakar fe enny hashofha bokrah...
elmarra di ana a3ed ba7awel mados-sh 3ala esmaha 3andy fel list we akalemha...
we fe nafs elwa2t a3ed bafteker kol la7za fatet le3'ayet makont 2a3ed bazaker men nos sa3a...
sho3oor 3'areeb bel ra7a lamma astaslem lelya2s...
sho3oor bey7'awefny...
sho3oor 3'areeb bel ra7a lamma atawaka3 elaswa2 we a3eesh fe salam da7'ely tam ma3ah...we ab2a mabsoot beeh kaman...
ana 3omry ma7aseet enny ka2eeb, wala 7aseet enny mo3akad aw enny banaked nafsy...
3omry ma 7aseet enny da3eef zay delwa2ty...dayman kont bamasel enny akwa men keda...
ta2reeban ana lessa mesh 3arefny

fawa7a

2006-06-04T03:02:00.001+03:00

2allak ba2a en elemte7an hayeegy sa3b giddan
we 2allak kaman 7'odo el talat teyam we nos dool 3shan te3raf tezaker feehom
wana zakert men elsa3a 10 le 2
tab ha3mel ana eih tayeb???
2allak kaman nesbet elso2oot 73% welragel mesh hayedeeko 2a3mal sana...
7aga wa7da bas kan na2es ye2olha...
e7na han2ala3ko ya wlad we hanet7arrash beeko..we da hayeb2a elemte7an ela7'rany

RIP

2006-06-03T18:11:00.000+03:00

and i pass by the blood river
and i walk along the black shore
i feel my skin slightly shivers
as i shed the eyes that i adore

again

2006-06-03T18:06:00.000+03:00

it's like i have three different phases of life...only three phases...
they go one after the other in the same sequence...
will i ever break through???
the walls are getting nearer but um escaping, reachin for this exit between the dust and the ruins...
yel3an abo elmesa7a 3ala abo om handasa...